Sooooo I've barely started this new chapter of my journey, and already i'm lagging behind. pretty much my life story i feel like, or at least half of the time. However, i at least caught myself before it really got out of hand, and i put it off a week later or something of that sort.
Now due to the time of night, i will just have to fill you in on Monday's occurrences later on, in a separate post. But it'll be worth the wait i promise; actually probably not, but whatever. Anyhoo, today was tuesday. Usually not one of my busier days, only one class for the day and that is mathematics review and working in "the office." As for today work consisted of, helping out with fyc and selling formal tickets in the sub. Sadly for the time spent there, my good looks didn't get any sales, and ended in an epic fail, of 0 tickets sold during the two hours i sat there. Oh well, hopefully the others will be more successful in the days to follow, because i think it's gonna turn out to be a good year for formal.
Moving on, the morning started off well, with a very needed and relaxing shower. Thursday? yep that was the last....well you get the idea. Talked to God a little in the shower like usual, and while i was getting ready. Found myself off track at some points, and ended with a bit of frustration...which i am not fond of when wanting to spend time with him. However, after cleaning my room for roomcheck and before my 4 o clock class, i had a good half hour of quiet time. I didn't get into the word, but read half of chapter 8 in "Crazy Love", the profile of the obsessed. In all honesty i haven't been keeping up with reading it lately, and today seemed perfect to hop back on track. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, so i sat by the pond and basked in the sun, and expanded my brain for some needed reading time. I really enjoyed having that moment of peace, just that whole concept of taking time to be alone, and in quiet. This causes me to question, if i can feel this way by just grabbing a book and plopping down, then what is still holding me back from plopping down with the greatest book ever written and listening to what God has in store for me, or spending time with him?!?!
------------------------i fell asleep while stretching here, seriously, story of my life-------------------------------------
OK back to where i left off, sorry. Basically, i am learning more everyday, and that little moment by the pond, was a definite learning moment, and sitting down and focusing on that i can see it. my goal is to finish crazy love within the next few days or week or so, and then start something new, and really work on being consistent with it...not really sure which book, but any book i think will do.
So looking back, now that its a different day once again, i realize that yesterday was just another rough one, and it got alot better as the day went on, but just being sick and silly other little stuff consumes me, it reallllllly does, and i can't lie but i really like being in control. and just realizing, that once i let loose and had a good time, like the softball game (which not to brag, but we won, against a "were too cool/show off team" and i had so much fun, with everyone on the team) and then after i went and grabbed mc d's with evan, taylor and nicki, and it was so fun, as always, and stopped by the conference center, which i have been to every night this week, and i've missed getting to be there.
But anyhoo thats where i was yesterday/today/ tuesday, a new form of ranting
-mare
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
one month...
hello hello hello...
it's been awhile i have to say. and now is the time to change it! before i go into my rant, i would like to say that i have a blog saved in my drafts and it was very extensive and explained why i haven't written in this thing is so long, and shone insight into my spring break life. However, i didn't continue what i had started, and before i could go back to it, i was challenged...in the most needed, random and wonderful way possible. One night while waiting at revival my friend sarah texted me, talking about how she had no idea i had a blog, and how much she liked getting to read, and telling me how much she loved it. "thank you's" went on, and sarah continued and had more to say, that just compliments, her words to a certain estimate were, "mare i want to challenge you to write consistently each day for one month in your blog, about your god encounters and daily encounters, happy, sad, anything really, but just for a consistent month."
-Therefore, here i am, starting a new chapter in my journey, and probably at the perfect time. What sarah didn't know that upon my return, i had no extra excitement over returning and having revival, excited to be reunited with friends and etc...but no joy otherwise. the last thing honestly i wanted to do, was worship the God who deserves all of me, i have been in a rut, springbreak-breakaway was wonderful and i really applied and am working on what the messages had to say, but just got stuck in a rut inbetween end of breakaway, the rest of my sprinbreak and return to UMHB. i honestly only went to revival because everyone of my close friends were and i thought why not, can't hurt to just be there. What i didn't know was that the revival messages had a special impact of their own waiting...i needed to hear each one...
however, even though its what i know i needed i still continued to let stunt night, o-glorious stunt night rule my life and continued and have been still minded in i've got control. i'm still doing it, and not spending enough time with him and i know it, but i can not get this nagging feeling off my chest, i hate that spending time with him has been feeling like a chore, and it just overwhelms me. i know it shouldn't be, becuase i can take my time and work my way with baby steps with him guiding me, because a relationship with him is soooooo totally personal, and i can not compare mine and his relationship, with anyone elses. i tend to do that, ALOT.
-thats where i am with all of the rollercoaster emotions, but i wanta let you in on my absolutely wonderful, sponateneously fantastic weekend. buttttttt, it'll have to wait for another post.
-beginning rant of those to come.
-love mare
it's been awhile i have to say. and now is the time to change it! before i go into my rant, i would like to say that i have a blog saved in my drafts and it was very extensive and explained why i haven't written in this thing is so long, and shone insight into my spring break life. However, i didn't continue what i had started, and before i could go back to it, i was challenged...in the most needed, random and wonderful way possible. One night while waiting at revival my friend sarah texted me, talking about how she had no idea i had a blog, and how much she liked getting to read, and telling me how much she loved it. "thank you's" went on, and sarah continued and had more to say, that just compliments, her words to a certain estimate were, "mare i want to challenge you to write consistently each day for one month in your blog, about your god encounters and daily encounters, happy, sad, anything really, but just for a consistent month."
-Therefore, here i am, starting a new chapter in my journey, and probably at the perfect time. What sarah didn't know that upon my return, i had no extra excitement over returning and having revival, excited to be reunited with friends and etc...but no joy otherwise. the last thing honestly i wanted to do, was worship the God who deserves all of me, i have been in a rut, springbreak-breakaway was wonderful and i really applied and am working on what the messages had to say, but just got stuck in a rut inbetween end of breakaway, the rest of my sprinbreak and return to UMHB. i honestly only went to revival because everyone of my close friends were and i thought why not, can't hurt to just be there. What i didn't know was that the revival messages had a special impact of their own waiting...i needed to hear each one...
however, even though its what i know i needed i still continued to let stunt night, o-glorious stunt night rule my life and continued and have been still minded in i've got control. i'm still doing it, and not spending enough time with him and i know it, but i can not get this nagging feeling off my chest, i hate that spending time with him has been feeling like a chore, and it just overwhelms me. i know it shouldn't be, becuase i can take my time and work my way with baby steps with him guiding me, because a relationship with him is soooooo totally personal, and i can not compare mine and his relationship, with anyone elses. i tend to do that, ALOT.
-thats where i am with all of the rollercoaster emotions, but i wanta let you in on my absolutely wonderful, sponateneously fantastic weekend. buttttttt, it'll have to wait for another post.
-beginning rant of those to come.
-love mare
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
crazy good...
good morning all...
its well not so much morning anymore but the post coincides with this mornings occurences. i woke up this morning, earlier because i work at 8 on tuesdays and thursdays, not a hard job, so not hard to wake up to go do. i have had a good wake up call the past week and a half from a dear friend :) makes it a little easier to roll out of bed. however, i knew that after work this morning was my bicycling class, and due to the ABSOLUTE GLORIOUS weather outside today, (glorious meaning not temperature, but pretty, NO CLOUDSSSSS!) i knew we would be riding outside, conisdering that it rained so much in the past weeks, we have been in the cardio room for workout. The reason i dreaded the ride even though its pretty outside, was the temperature my laptop said this morning (32 degrees and a high of 45 if your lucky, and windchill of 20. hahaha) i thought this is gonnna succcccckkkkk; knowing who my professor was, it was inevitable that we would ride. Sure enough i show up in a decent amount of layers, wait outside the gym for a bit with the others with hardened hearts and complaining without a care in the world, as if the world should revolve around us and she waltzes out in her gear and ready to go. "Its cold i know, but not raining lets go, its gonna be a little shorter but harder intensity to compensate." Crap she's crazy. However, i usually use this time to talk with the big guy upstairs about anything and everything going on in my life that morning or week ( quiet time ish) but today i wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to be miserable and upset and complain about how freakkking cold it was. About five minutes into our ride, i told myself i want to quit and turn around and say screw this and i almost did. Something inside me, stopped me. I'm not sure what it is but i have a feeling he's related to the holy spirit. He said mary, its beautiful, cold outside, but beautiful. You are alive another day, you just told me how you wanted to stop living halfway. Give me your all in this, glorify me in every part of your life, even in a rough bike ride for class. You can do this. Throughout the ride i had low points and reminded myself the all too familiar verse (Philippins 4:13- i can do all things through christ who gives me strength). Sure enough, when my professor would pull up beside me and check on me, i was able to say its hard but im getting through it, it could always be worse, and the sun is shining. i pushed through with the power of knowing god wasn't go anywhere and finished. The ride was hard because the wind chill was ridiculous and it was blowing at about 15 miles, im 111 lbs and 5'4'' not exactly easy to be on a bike, riding up and down hills, cars speeding past, i'm a little biased, but not exactly exaggerating. It was rough, not awful but rough. I did it though, pulled back into campus, and i didn't have a pissy attitude, i was proud that i did it, that i pushed myself through, with a knowledge that HE was there the whole entire time. I know its a weird epiphony with biking and all but sometimes its takes ridiculou scenarios to remind us that we don't have control and when life has its totally suck moments, that he's there, beside us, pushing us, reminding us that he is worthy to be praised no matter what!
Today i will praise you for you are worthy to be praised!
Exodus 15:2 " The lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my GOD and i will praise him, my fathers God and i will Exalt Him!"
Exodus 15:2-21
So theres todays bit of a rant. A lesson learned and a God who's loving and willing to listen :)
Its beautiful, go outside, but its brisk, grab a jacket
-mare
its well not so much morning anymore but the post coincides with this mornings occurences. i woke up this morning, earlier because i work at 8 on tuesdays and thursdays, not a hard job, so not hard to wake up to go do. i have had a good wake up call the past week and a half from a dear friend :) makes it a little easier to roll out of bed. however, i knew that after work this morning was my bicycling class, and due to the ABSOLUTE GLORIOUS weather outside today, (glorious meaning not temperature, but pretty, NO CLOUDSSSSS!) i knew we would be riding outside, conisdering that it rained so much in the past weeks, we have been in the cardio room for workout. The reason i dreaded the ride even though its pretty outside, was the temperature my laptop said this morning (32 degrees and a high of 45 if your lucky, and windchill of 20. hahaha) i thought this is gonnna succcccckkkkk; knowing who my professor was, it was inevitable that we would ride. Sure enough i show up in a decent amount of layers, wait outside the gym for a bit with the others with hardened hearts and complaining without a care in the world, as if the world should revolve around us and she waltzes out in her gear and ready to go. "Its cold i know, but not raining lets go, its gonna be a little shorter but harder intensity to compensate." Crap she's crazy. However, i usually use this time to talk with the big guy upstairs about anything and everything going on in my life that morning or week ( quiet time ish) but today i wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to be miserable and upset and complain about how freakkking cold it was. About five minutes into our ride, i told myself i want to quit and turn around and say screw this and i almost did. Something inside me, stopped me. I'm not sure what it is but i have a feeling he's related to the holy spirit. He said mary, its beautiful, cold outside, but beautiful. You are alive another day, you just told me how you wanted to stop living halfway. Give me your all in this, glorify me in every part of your life, even in a rough bike ride for class. You can do this. Throughout the ride i had low points and reminded myself the all too familiar verse (Philippins 4:13- i can do all things through christ who gives me strength). Sure enough, when my professor would pull up beside me and check on me, i was able to say its hard but im getting through it, it could always be worse, and the sun is shining. i pushed through with the power of knowing god wasn't go anywhere and finished. The ride was hard because the wind chill was ridiculous and it was blowing at about 15 miles, im 111 lbs and 5'4'' not exactly easy to be on a bike, riding up and down hills, cars speeding past, i'm a little biased, but not exactly exaggerating. It was rough, not awful but rough. I did it though, pulled back into campus, and i didn't have a pissy attitude, i was proud that i did it, that i pushed myself through, with a knowledge that HE was there the whole entire time. I know its a weird epiphony with biking and all but sometimes its takes ridiculou scenarios to remind us that we don't have control and when life has its totally suck moments, that he's there, beside us, pushing us, reminding us that he is worthy to be praised no matter what!
Today i will praise you for you are worthy to be praised!
Exodus 15:2 " The lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my GOD and i will praise him, my fathers God and i will Exalt Him!"
Exodus 15:2-21
So theres todays bit of a rant. A lesson learned and a God who's loving and willing to listen :)
Its beautiful, go outside, but its brisk, grab a jacket
-mare
Friday, February 5, 2010
thinking...lots of it
Hello blog world. Haven't really written all week, not that i haven't had anything to say, just kinda never really thought about sitting down and typing. But i have thoughts and things to say. Why? Well i've been thinking...alot lately.
Where did it start? well if you wanta know, i started a book recently. Yes I (mary catherine baucom) started a book, and have kept a consistent reading agenda with it. I was a reader, back in the day of elementary school, come middle school and highschool, that just flew out the window into never never land i suppose. i don't really know why, guess i thought i had better things to do. Anyhoo, this book, its called "crazy love" by francis chan. the name itself should say enough. I have seen many a friends reading it, when i stop by to hang in their rooms, or i've been told by many "oh my gosh how come you haven't been, or haven't heard of this yet." Then i have those friends, my accountability friends, by family who tell me you don't have to read this book, but if you are looking for soemthing worthwhile and potentially life transforming, yep yep, this book would be it. So crazy love. It's good. It's honest. It's blunt and honest. Francis Chan is not going to hit you over the head with a bible while he's up on his soapbox, but he's not afraid to be honest, but be encouraging all throughout. I'm not finished, won't be for awhile, because i find myself going back and re-reading over, and over again, to fully grasp what god is saying to me, through this book. It has alot to say and i'm only halfway through chapter four.
The thinking was provoked by this book, its true. What kind of thinking is it? Well, including what chapter 3( "you might not finish this chapter") had to say and what the guest speaker talked about in chapel today. Those two combined have really put me in a spot of breaking down my life. In a nutshell the two have talked about, how am i living my life, is it for God really? or to be a good person and make it to heaven, and do i understand that at this moment i could go home to him without a second glance. Do i fully understand that when its my time to head home, its my time, there is no changing that, he's god, he's all powerful and has the control over my life, and i seem to be living my life with the mindset of "oh i have plenty of time". Do i really? simple question, simple answer "no". For my whole 18 years i've been on this earth i have taken advantage of what god has given me. Living a christian life is hard, and living a hypocritical life is just as hard. Knowing that he spits upon those who are lukewarm in there walk. I love God, i really do. However, i don't show him like i ought to. I show people i do, whenever it seems to be convenient. i feel like a never ending broken record, i've felt that alot in my life, that i've come grips with i'm not living fullllyyy for christ and i keep having that quote epiphony, and it shouldn't have to keep happening. I need for it to be concrete, i long to live a life where i thirst for him and hunger for him on a daily basis. God should be apparent in every single little tiny minute and grandulous ( word?) magnificent apsect of my life. He's not and i know that. I'm lazy, have i ever mentioned that, im very lazy. I'm not a slob, i jsut have a lazy outlook on spending time with god, putting in effort with him. I like to relax i mean don't get me wrong, but don't think that i do nothign all day, i meant emphasis on the relationship factor with God. I love people, i love pouring into them and being around them, i'm a social butterfly i'd guess you could say, always have been. This being true, then why is it so hard for me to pour into God, to live a full and righteous life for him. A relationship cannnnnnnnnn NOT work unless both coherts are putting time and effort into that relationship. Spending time together, talking, praying, laughing. All of these things that make up the relationship i miss out half the time with God. I am not perfect but i am not a heathen. I'm mary and i struggle with the little things, worry and stress over money and school. Then i begin to think about the bigger stuff, school MAJORS and MINORS, and i struggle with my quiet times. However, i know God is bigger than all of these things combined and is just aghhh "crazy love" has just opened my eyes in a way words can not describe, GOD IS SOOOO AMAZING! I truthfully cannot grasp some of the concepts that go along with it. I'm human and he's perfect and powerful and gracious and merciful and he loves me, he loves me he loves me. I don't deserve it, but he tells me i do. He forgives and breaks me down to build me into something new.
So my thinking? basically breaks down into, what am i living for now-adays. Am i? Living for him in every possible aspect of my life. What am i seeking? Is it him? Why am i not living for God as though it were my last day here, my last week here. It very well could be and i could blink and wake up at the foot of his thrown. Am i ready? Am i living a life that glorify's him? I want to be, i really do. So this thinking, needs to be an action, and i will do my best. I will stumble but i want to be his clay, and him the potter.
One more question...
What are you thinking?
-its a great day
mare
Where did it start? well if you wanta know, i started a book recently. Yes I (mary catherine baucom) started a book, and have kept a consistent reading agenda with it. I was a reader, back in the day of elementary school, come middle school and highschool, that just flew out the window into never never land i suppose. i don't really know why, guess i thought i had better things to do. Anyhoo, this book, its called "crazy love" by francis chan. the name itself should say enough. I have seen many a friends reading it, when i stop by to hang in their rooms, or i've been told by many "oh my gosh how come you haven't been, or haven't heard of this yet." Then i have those friends, my accountability friends, by family who tell me you don't have to read this book, but if you are looking for soemthing worthwhile and potentially life transforming, yep yep, this book would be it. So crazy love. It's good. It's honest. It's blunt and honest. Francis Chan is not going to hit you over the head with a bible while he's up on his soapbox, but he's not afraid to be honest, but be encouraging all throughout. I'm not finished, won't be for awhile, because i find myself going back and re-reading over, and over again, to fully grasp what god is saying to me, through this book. It has alot to say and i'm only halfway through chapter four.
The thinking was provoked by this book, its true. What kind of thinking is it? Well, including what chapter 3( "you might not finish this chapter") had to say and what the guest speaker talked about in chapel today. Those two combined have really put me in a spot of breaking down my life. In a nutshell the two have talked about, how am i living my life, is it for God really? or to be a good person and make it to heaven, and do i understand that at this moment i could go home to him without a second glance. Do i fully understand that when its my time to head home, its my time, there is no changing that, he's god, he's all powerful and has the control over my life, and i seem to be living my life with the mindset of "oh i have plenty of time". Do i really? simple question, simple answer "no". For my whole 18 years i've been on this earth i have taken advantage of what god has given me. Living a christian life is hard, and living a hypocritical life is just as hard. Knowing that he spits upon those who are lukewarm in there walk. I love God, i really do. However, i don't show him like i ought to. I show people i do, whenever it seems to be convenient. i feel like a never ending broken record, i've felt that alot in my life, that i've come grips with i'm not living fullllyyy for christ and i keep having that quote epiphony, and it shouldn't have to keep happening. I need for it to be concrete, i long to live a life where i thirst for him and hunger for him on a daily basis. God should be apparent in every single little tiny minute and grandulous ( word?) magnificent apsect of my life. He's not and i know that. I'm lazy, have i ever mentioned that, im very lazy. I'm not a slob, i jsut have a lazy outlook on spending time with god, putting in effort with him. I like to relax i mean don't get me wrong, but don't think that i do nothign all day, i meant emphasis on the relationship factor with God. I love people, i love pouring into them and being around them, i'm a social butterfly i'd guess you could say, always have been. This being true, then why is it so hard for me to pour into God, to live a full and righteous life for him. A relationship cannnnnnnnnn NOT work unless both coherts are putting time and effort into that relationship. Spending time together, talking, praying, laughing. All of these things that make up the relationship i miss out half the time with God. I am not perfect but i am not a heathen. I'm mary and i struggle with the little things, worry and stress over money and school. Then i begin to think about the bigger stuff, school MAJORS and MINORS, and i struggle with my quiet times. However, i know God is bigger than all of these things combined and is just aghhh "crazy love" has just opened my eyes in a way words can not describe, GOD IS SOOOO AMAZING! I truthfully cannot grasp some of the concepts that go along with it. I'm human and he's perfect and powerful and gracious and merciful and he loves me, he loves me he loves me. I don't deserve it, but he tells me i do. He forgives and breaks me down to build me into something new.
So my thinking? basically breaks down into, what am i living for now-adays. Am i? Living for him in every possible aspect of my life. What am i seeking? Is it him? Why am i not living for God as though it were my last day here, my last week here. It very well could be and i could blink and wake up at the foot of his thrown. Am i ready? Am i living a life that glorify's him? I want to be, i really do. So this thinking, needs to be an action, and i will do my best. I will stumble but i want to be his clay, and him the potter.
One more question...
What are you thinking?
-its a great day
mare
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