thinking...lots of it

Hello blog world. Haven't really written all week, not that i haven't had anything to say, just kinda never really thought about sitting down and typing. But i have thoughts and things to say. Why? Well i've been thinking...alot lately.
Where did it start? well if you wanta know, i started a book recently. Yes I (mary catherine baucom) started a book, and have kept a consistent reading agenda with it. I was a reader, back in the day of elementary school, come middle school and highschool, that just flew out the window into never never land i suppose. i don't really know why, guess i thought i had better things to do. Anyhoo, this book, its called "crazy love" by francis chan. the name itself should say enough. I have seen many a friends reading it, when i stop by to hang in their rooms, or i've been told by many "oh my gosh how come you haven't been, or haven't heard of this yet." Then i have those friends, my accountability friends, by family who tell me you don't have to read this book, but if you are looking for soemthing worthwhile and potentially life transforming, yep yep, this book would be it. So crazy love. It's good. It's honest. It's blunt and honest. Francis Chan is not going to hit you over the head with a bible while he's up on his soapbox, but he's not afraid to be honest, but be encouraging all throughout. I'm not finished, won't be for awhile, because i find myself going back and re-reading over, and over again, to fully grasp what god is saying to me, through this book. It has alot to say and i'm only halfway through chapter four.
The thinking was provoked by this book, its true. What kind of thinking is it? Well, including what chapter 3( "you might not finish this chapter") had to say and what the guest speaker talked about in chapel today. Those two combined have really put me in a spot of breaking down my life. In a nutshell the two have talked about, how am i living my life, is it for God really? or to be a good person and make it to heaven, and do i understand that at this moment i could go home to him without a second glance. Do i fully understand that when its my time to head home, its my time, there is no changing that, he's god, he's all powerful and has the control over my life, and i seem to be living my life with the mindset of "oh i have plenty of time". Do i really? simple question, simple answer "no". For my whole 18 years i've been on this earth i have taken advantage of what god has given me. Living a christian life is hard, and living a hypocritical life is just as hard. Knowing that he spits upon those who are lukewarm in there walk. I love God, i really do. However, i don't show him like i ought to. I show people i do, whenever it seems to be convenient. i feel like a never ending broken record, i've felt that alot in my life, that i've come grips with i'm not living fullllyyy for christ and i keep having that quote epiphony, and it shouldn't have to keep happening. I need for it to be concrete, i long to live a life where i thirst for him and hunger for him on a daily basis. God should be apparent in every single little tiny minute and grandulous ( word?) magnificent apsect of my life. He's not and i know that. I'm lazy, have i ever mentioned that, im very lazy. I'm not a slob, i jsut have a lazy outlook on spending time with god, putting in effort with him. I like to relax i mean don't get me wrong, but don't think that i do nothign all day, i meant emphasis on the relationship factor with God. I love people, i love pouring into them and being around them, i'm a social butterfly i'd guess you could say, always have been. This being true, then why is it so hard for me to pour into God, to live a full and righteous life for him. A relationship cannnnnnnnnn NOT work unless both coherts are putting time and effort into that relationship. Spending time together, talking, praying, laughing. All of these things that make up the relationship i miss out half the time with God. I am not perfect but i am not a heathen. I'm mary and i struggle with the little things, worry and stress over money and school. Then i begin to think about the bigger stuff, school MAJORS and MINORS, and i struggle with my quiet times. However, i know God is bigger than all of these things combined and is just aghhh "crazy love" has just opened my eyes in a way words can not describe, GOD IS SOOOO AMAZING! I truthfully cannot grasp some of the concepts that go along with it. I'm human and he's perfect and powerful and gracious and merciful and he loves me, he loves me he loves me. I don't deserve it, but he tells me i do. He forgives and breaks me down to build me into something new.
So my thinking? basically breaks down into, what am i living for now-adays. Am i? Living for him in every possible aspect of my life. What am i seeking? Is it him? Why am i not living for God as though it were my last day here, my last week here. It very well could be and i could blink and wake up at the foot of his thrown. Am i ready? Am i living a life that glorify's him? I want to be, i really do. So this thinking, needs to be an action, and i will do my best. I will stumble but i want to be his clay, and him the potter.
One more question...

What are you thinking?



-its a great day
     mare