Wednesday, March 31, 2010

no surprise...

       Sooooo I've barely started this new chapter of my journey, and already i'm lagging behind. pretty much my life story i feel like, or at least half of the time. However, i at least caught myself before it really got out of hand, and i put it off a week later or something of that sort.
        Now due to the time of night, i will just have to fill you in on Monday's occurrences later on, in a separate post. But it'll be worth the wait i promise; actually probably not, but whatever. Anyhoo, today was tuesday. Usually not one of my busier days, only one class for the day and that is mathematics review and working in "the office." As for today work consisted of, helping out with fyc and selling formal tickets in the sub. Sadly for the time spent there, my good looks didn't get any sales, and ended in an epic fail, of 0 tickets sold during the two hours i sat there. Oh well, hopefully the others will be more successful in the days to follow, because i think it's gonna turn out to be a good year for formal. 
        Moving on, the morning started off well, with a very needed and relaxing shower. Thursday? yep that was the last....well you get the idea. Talked to God a little in the shower like usual, and while i was getting ready. Found myself off track at some points, and ended with a bit of frustration...which i am not fond of when wanting to spend time with him. However, after cleaning my room for roomcheck and before my 4 o clock class, i had a good half hour of quiet time. I didn't get into the word, but read half of chapter 8 in "Crazy Love", the profile of the obsessed. In all honesty i haven't been keeping up with reading it lately, and today seemed perfect to hop back on track. It was absolutely gorgeous outside, so i sat by the pond and basked in the sun, and expanded my brain for some needed reading time. I really enjoyed having that moment of peace, just that whole concept of taking time to be alone, and in quiet. This causes me to question, if i can feel this way by just grabbing a book and plopping down, then what is still holding me back from plopping down with the greatest book ever written and listening to what God has in store for me, or spending time with him?!?!

------------------------i fell asleep while stretching here, seriously, story of my life-------------------------------------

OK back to where i left off, sorry. Basically, i am learning more everyday,  and that little moment by the pond, was a definite learning moment, and sitting down and focusing on that i can see it. my goal is to finish crazy love within the next few days or week or so, and then start something new, and really work on being consistent with it...not really sure which book, but any book i think will do.

So looking back, now that its a different day once again, i realize that yesterday was just another rough one, and it got alot better as the day went on, but just being sick and silly other little stuff consumes me, it reallllllly does, and i can't lie but i really like being in control. and just realizing, that once i let loose and had a good time, like the softball game (which not to brag, but we won, against a "were too cool/show off team" and i had so much fun, with everyone on the team)  and then after i went and grabbed mc d's with evan, taylor and nicki, and it was so fun, as always, and stopped by the conference center, which i have been to every night this week, and i've missed getting to be there. 

But anyhoo thats where i was yesterday/today/ tuesday, a new form of ranting


Sunday, March 28, 2010

one month...

hello hello hello...
it's been awhile i have to say. and now is the time to change it! before i go into my rant, i would like to say that i have a blog saved in my drafts and it was very extensive and explained why i haven't written in this thing is so long, and shone insight into my spring break life. However, i didn't continue what i had started, and before i could go back to it, i was the most needed, random and wonderful way possible. One night while waiting at revival my friend sarah texted me, talking about how she had no idea i had a blog, and how much she liked getting to read, and telling me how much she loved it. "thank you's" went on, and sarah continued and had more to say, that just compliments, her words to a certain estimate were, "mare i want to challenge you to write consistently each day for one month in your blog, about your god encounters and daily encounters, happy, sad, anything really, but just for a consistent month."
-Therefore, here i am, starting a new chapter in my journey, and probably at the perfect time. What sarah didn't know that upon my return, i had no extra excitement over returning and having revival, excited to be reunited with friends and etc...but no joy otherwise. the last thing honestly i wanted to do, was worship the God who deserves all of me, i have been in a rut, springbreak-breakaway was wonderful and i really applied and am working on what the messages had to say, but just got stuck in a rut inbetween end of breakaway, the rest of my sprinbreak and return to UMHB. i honestly only went to revival because everyone of my close friends were and i thought why not, can't hurt to just be there. What i didn't know was that the revival messages had a special impact of their own waiting...i needed to hear each one...
however, even though its what i know i needed i still continued to let stunt night, o-glorious stunt night rule my life and continued and have been still minded in i've got control. i'm still doing it, and not spending enough time with him and i know it, but i can not get this nagging feeling off my chest, i hate that spending time with him has been feeling like a chore, and it just overwhelms me. i know it shouldn't be, becuase i can take my time and work my way with baby steps with him guiding me, because a relationship with him is soooooo totally personal, and i can not compare mine and his relationship, with anyone elses. i tend to do that, ALOT. 
-thats where i am with all of the rollercoaster emotions, but i wanta let you in on my absolutely wonderful, sponateneously fantastic weekend. buttttttt, it'll have to wait for another post.

-beginning rant of those to come.
-love mare