one month...

hello hello hello...
it's been awhile i have to say. and now is the time to change it! before i go into my rant, i would like to say that i have a blog saved in my drafts and it was very extensive and explained why i haven't written in this thing is so long, and shone insight into my spring break life. However, i didn't continue what i had started, and before i could go back to it, i was challenged...in the most needed, random and wonderful way possible. One night while waiting at revival my friend sarah texted me, talking about how she had no idea i had a blog, and how much she liked getting to read, and telling me how much she loved it. "thank you's" went on, and sarah continued and had more to say, that just compliments, her words to a certain estimate were, "mare i want to challenge you to write consistently each day for one month in your blog, about your god encounters and daily encounters, happy, sad, anything really, but just for a consistent month."
-Therefore, here i am, starting a new chapter in my journey, and probably at the perfect time. What sarah didn't know that upon my return, i had no extra excitement over returning and having revival, excited to be reunited with friends and etc...but no joy otherwise. the last thing honestly i wanted to do, was worship the God who deserves all of me, i have been in a rut, springbreak-breakaway was wonderful and i really applied and am working on what the messages had to say, but just got stuck in a rut inbetween end of breakaway, the rest of my sprinbreak and return to UMHB. i honestly only went to revival because everyone of my close friends were and i thought why not, can't hurt to just be there. What i didn't know was that the revival messages had a special impact of their own waiting...i needed to hear each one...
however, even though its what i know i needed i still continued to let stunt night, o-glorious stunt night rule my life and continued and have been still minded in i've got control. i'm still doing it, and not spending enough time with him and i know it, but i can not get this nagging feeling off my chest, i hate that spending time with him has been feeling like a chore, and it just overwhelms me. i know it shouldn't be, becuase i can take my time and work my way with baby steps with him guiding me, because a relationship with him is soooooo totally personal, and i can not compare mine and his relationship, with anyone elses. i tend to do that, ALOT. 
-thats where i am with all of the rollercoaster emotions, but i wanta let you in on my absolutely wonderful, sponateneously fantastic weekend. buttttttt, it'll have to wait for another post.


-beginning rant of those to come.
-love mare